he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
