Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
