bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I AM VODKA MAN
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
