I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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