That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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