Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
