Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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