found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
