I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My feet surprised me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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