I faked an abortion last night.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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