I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
