I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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