i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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