I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
