i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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