is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
