i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
