That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm at about main and main street
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
