Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
