is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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