you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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