I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize