Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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