One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
