Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize