My friends, they love my intelligence
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
