so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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