I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
