Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
