I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
