Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
