found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
