I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
