The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
