I skipped work to stalk him.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
