Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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