we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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