I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
