first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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