____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
