I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
