if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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