I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
