I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
