Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
