woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
