He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
