You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
