I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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