and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
