just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
