i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize