Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
