I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
