i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
