he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
