I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
