How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
