That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
