Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
