before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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